Up and Down

It’s been a few days since I last posted here. I’ve had better and worse days to be honest. In my mind right now, I can say that I’m content. However, that could change in the next 25 minutes. I’ve been on citalopram for the last two weeks. Are they working? I don’t know. I went out on Saturday to watch my local junior football team playing. I stood in the howling rain and wind for a couple of hours with a cup of hot tea in hand, wrapped up and I haven’t felt better in a long time. Sounds daft right? It was a great couple of hours where the world didn’t matter. All I cared about was the team winning (which they didn’t – they drew 1-1).

I drank a bottle of red wine on Saturday night. My partner had a few glasses of prosecco but I opted for a lovely rioja. I was pretty drunk but not blazing drunk. I sat and watched some shite on telly and headed to bed. Sunday I began to feel the fear of the weekend being over but it was a quiet day and involved my partner and I sitting like tramps watching tv all day.

Yesterday, I felt so low that I went out in the morning and decided to walk with no purpose or intent. I just walked. Then 20 minutes after being out, I didn’t want to be out so I walked home and got into my hoody and shorts and sat on the sofa and watched sky sports all day.

The moods are so high and so low from hour to hour that when I look at it now, it’s ridiculous but in a funny way. My addiction to the banana split sundae’s has gone. I’m now on Pepsi Max Cherry. That’s the addiction of choice until something else kicks in. I’ve also been listening to a lot of Bruno Mars. I don’t know why. He’s not my favourite musician or anything and yet, he’s on just now singing about some burd being a treasure.

I have a book called 1001 Songs You Must Listen To Before You Die – Britney Spears – toxic  is in this book. The book lost all credibility right away and it’s sitting on the table in front of me ready to be used as a cupboard filler.

Anyway, this was a pointless entry but an entry nonetheless. I’ll have more coherent ramblings tomorrow.

Until next time.

 

JD x